I thought I would do sort of a “mind and body” update because one of my favorite bloggers, Caitlyn at Healthy Tipping Point, did that style of post during her pregnancy and I really enjoyed it. So… here’s how I’m feeling lately:
One of my wonderful boyfriend’s co-workers suggested to him that he read The Expectant Father during my pregnancy and to prepare for the birth.
He hasn’t read it yet, but when he does, I’ll give you a review. I just picked it up from the library for him this weekend and while I was making myself a snack, I decided to flip through it. I didn’t read much, but I like what I happened to read.
The book was cautioning that during the 4th and 5th month, hormones are haywire and the father may need to deal with some mood swings. Personally, I don’t think I’ve been suffering from this at all. I checked with T and he agreed that I’ve been very even-keel and basically just my regular, old self. (whew!)
In the next sentence, the book also warned that the mother is probably feeling uncomfortable about her own body and hasn’t felt this way about herself since puberty. Holy cow! I couldn’t agree more! That comment in the book totally crystalized all of my recent insecurities.
It really is bizarre to be in a body that’s constantly changing and growing at an undetermined pace. It’s hard emotionally to not fit in your favorite clothes anymore. I’ve been trying to wear some of my pre-maternity shirts while I still can so that I don’t get sick of the few maternity shirts I own, but there have been a bunch of days where I get to work and suddenly feel like I made a poor choice and spend the entire day tugging at my ill-fitting clothes. I’ve been in maternity pants for a while and they are super great. But I only own three pairs. On other days, I wear my old pants and a “BeBand” that T’s sister was nice enough to give me for Christmas.
It’s basically a tight piece of fabric to keep one’s unbuttoned pants from falling down. It’s a nice thought, but I still know that my pants are unbuttoned all day and I really hope no one can tell.
It was a rough day when I realized that the loosest pants I own didn’t fit anymore (one reality is that they are really high-waisted so they were the first ones I grew out of). Everything is awkward. Also, it’s not just the belly getting bigger. I’m pretty sure that my butt is getting both wider and closer to my knees. It’s really bumming me out (lame pun totally intended!).
Oh and I don’t own a single bra that’s comfortable anymore. Now, let me point out that my “girls” never got bigger, ever! In fact, they got smaller in the first trimester. (And I’m a “card-carrying member” of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee, so I was really looking forward to some cleavage!) But despite the girls being the same size, my expanding body makes me want bras with more width around the body.
On top of feeling pubescent again, everyone around me is excited to comment on my shape. So here I am, trying to hide that the shirt that seemed like a good idea this morning, is too tight and my jeans are unbuttoned and my bra is digging into my ribs; meanwhile everyone around me asking how my belly is doing and if they can see the bump (through clothes of course, most of the askers are my co-workers). I’m really glad that at least no one commented when I was actually going through puberty!
Additionally, lots of my coworkers (who recently had kids) like to tell me that I’m “too little” and haven’t gained nearly enough weight. Which makes me feel guilty and worried. (Luckily, at my last doctor’s appointment, they told me that I’m doing great and my weight gain is just what they like to see! And they may have told me that I shouldn’t listen to my coworkers’ unsolicited “advice” especially if it hurts my feelings. My nurse practitioner may be a little sassy and totally awesome.)
And the people who are too afraid to ask to see the bump, try to catch glimpses of it. And I totally understand that they are trying to be polite, but it’s a weird experience for me. No one has ever tried to steal glimpses of my body before (see above comment about tiny boobs). Side note: I was one of these people who wouldn’t ask but would try to secretly look at pregnant women around my office. I just hope I didn’t make anyone feel uncomfortable.
I love weekends because at least I feel “skinny” in my old sweatpants. And that’s a huge reason I was so excited about running again. For 30 minutes, I almost felt like I was still in my own/old body. And I know someone else was there with me too, but for a few minutes I could feel good about myself physically.
I hope this didn’t sound like too much of a complaint. I just thought I would shed a little insight into an insecurity I didn’t see coming.
But really, I AM super excited that I’m not suffering from mood swings! And my wonderful boyfriend is living up to his moniker and being awesome and sweet and trying to make me feel pretty whenever possible. And the worst of my “baby brain” has been trying to put Hersey’s syrup in the freezer after making a chocolate milk (and quickly noticing my mistake). Other than that, I think my mental faculties have remained mostly intact (so far).