To counterbalance yesterday’s motivation, here is today’s snarky picture. My weekend is still all about seeing friends and nothing has cancelled, but I sure do feel this way sometimes:
Have a great Sunday!
I’m sorry for having been away for so long! Before my long absence, I had been talking about how busy, busy, busy I was. Essentially, I was to spend about 21 days in a row out of my house for about 15 hours per day. I made it for almost all of them. I called out sick on the final one. By the end, I was feeling stressed and tired and sick and malnourished.
Another giant downside to being out of my house for so long is that other things don’t get taken care of: laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, paying bills (unless they are online), prepping for all of these nights out of the house (homework, etc). So I returned to a giant “to do” list – which didn’t help with the stress level.
I have to admit that I failed. I had mentioned that I signed on for another task (directing a musical) and I really thought I would be able to do it. However, I found the musical director to be difficult to work with. I thought he was being bossy and mean; but it was later explained to me that he needed his hand held, like crazy. I found him distracting in my rehearsals and we needed a translator even though we were both speaking English, our communication styles just didn’t seem to mesh. I also didn’t appreciate him yelling at me for things that he forgot to do (I originally volunteered for it, he said he would rather do it, and then I got blamed when it wasn’t done). It wasn’t a pleasant working situation. However, before it sounds like I’m bashing him too much, I feel I should mention that he was great with the kids and the music… it was the details that were a problem.
I feel terrible. I let down the kids. I let down the parents group organizing the show. I hope I didn’t burn too many bridges (as bad news and gossip always travel like wildfire). I have been sleeping better and getting my homework done though…
The straw that broke this camel’s back though was mainly school and my calendar. I was supposed to pick up a form signed by my thesis committee members and drop it off to the registrar. But I forgot, and I missed the deadline. I ended up having to beg the registrar to please, please, please let me register for my thesis so I could graduate on time. My boyfriend had to run around the campus (luckily he works down the street) on his lunch break, pick up the form and drop it off. However, at every step of the way he had to call me and ask me to send an e-mail giving him permission: “yes, student secretary, please give my boyfriend the form on my behalf.” “yes, student secretary, please accept the form from my boyfriend (and not me).” It was absurd. Plus, my loan money had already been turned into a refund check, so my boyfriend is holding the money for my class (as a check), but we couldn’t use any of it (because I had to sign it… and I was 45 minutes outside the city), so I’m charging various parts to different debit accounts and credit cards trying to make it all work (because I had to pay before registering and classes aren’t cheap).
It was STRESSFUL! And I can’t let things like my thesis fall to the wayside because I was focusing on directing a musical “for fun.”
I still feel terrible about it though.
Well, I wasn’t able to do it… I was supposed to have 21 days of being overwhelmingly busy, and while I still have 3 left (if you count today), I faltered a bit. I called out sick for work this morning. I originally had a meeting at 9:30 am, but it was canceled yesterday afternoon. I took that as my opening and took the morning off.
On average for these last 3 weeks (including weekends) I’ve been out of my house from 8:30 am – 11 pm. Of course there was some variance, some days I was better and left the house at 8 am… some days worse and left the house at 9 am. And some days were shorter and I’d get home at 10 pm and others were longer and I’d get home at midnight or later.
But I couldn’t keep doing it, I needed some sleep… I also may have been in desperate need of 3 square meals a day. I was missing dinner most (all?) nights. In fact, it has gotten so bad (and I apologize for the detail here, you may want to skip the rest of this) that I have developed two little ulcers in my mouth, not like canker sores, but like when you bite your cheek really hard and it takes a few days to heal. So I have one on my cheek and one on my tongue, although I don’t remember biting either. And my tongue feels (and looks) like it’s covered in little paper cuts. Pretty awesome, I must say.
Last night, I actually had a dream that I was on ship sailing from Europe to America way back when and had scurvy.
Now I don’t actually believe that I have scurvy, but I was craving citrus when I woke up thanks to my seaward dream. I have to say, I was worried that eating grapefruit for breakfast would burn a little, but I was wrong, it was delicious and now I want oranges.
Up until this point I have been living on caffeine and little mantras:
I may be able to take care of a lot of things, and juggle lots of aspects of my life, but the first ball to always fall is my health. I am terrible at taking care of myself when I’m busy. I’m glad the overwhelming amount of activities will slow down soon.
When you’re feeling overwhelmed and stressed, do you have any mantras you repeat to keep yourself going?
This whole overly busy/lack of sleep thing really wouldn’t be such a problem if only it weren’t for other people… specifically other people who choose to do foolish things and make everyone’s lives harder.
I literally was trying to figure some scheduling out with someone this week and instead of answering my questions, he would respond with non-sequiturs… He eventually sent my e-mails to someone else who read them to him… “oh look, here Jen is saying she has a plan B… well why don’t we go with plan B?” Note, my question was “want to try my plan B?”
Sigh… my 21 days of no rest is almost over…
In my last post, I was very excited about having tonight off. Unfortunately, I was wrong, and I forgot that I have a meeting tonight. This silly fact, which felt like a devastating blow, made me consider the rest of my upcoming schedule.
I won’t have a single free night until well into February. In fact, I will go 3 full weeks without having a night off (plus that includes working on weekends).
How have I made it through the last week and a half?
Lots and lots of caffeine.
The only downside to that is that I won’t fall asleep until about 12 hours after I finish the cup. I learned that the hard way when I was still staring at the clock at 4 am.
I also don’t eat well when I miss having dinner at home. I think for dinner last night I had a glass of milk… but it’s kind of hazy. One of my many goals this weekend is to make some lasagna and freeze it, so I have on-the-go meals for a while (as a vegetarian, it’s often hard to find prepackaged meals or even fast food). But I’ll make it! I can do it!
On the positive side, my limp is completely gone!
For the next week and a half, (besides the caffeine) I’ll be motivating myself (through the use of this blog) with the help of motivational posters, snarky cartoons (to avoid actual whining), and nonsequiturs that make me laugh.
I made it successfully though last week! Woo!
And now, for another stressful week. Although last night, I realized that I didn’t have any meetings or events, so to celebrate I went running!
I’ve mentioned that I made a goal for myself to run an 8 minute mile and a mile at a 4.0 incline (separately) by Feb 1st. I didn’t get in enough running during school break to be even remotely close to that goal. I’ve decided to move that goal back to April 1st. But I’m not doing so terribly. I took almost 2 weeks off because last week was so busy, but last night I was able to:
Total: ran 3.1 miles, walk 1.5
It’s all split up, but at least I technically ran a 5k in there. I’m still trying to work back up to running 8 miles like before. It’s hard on the treadmill though, you can’t say things like “oh, I’ll just run to that lamp-post; well now that I’m here, I’ll go to that street sign, etc” until before you know it, you’ve run for 2 hours without stopping. So I might just hold that dream until I can run outside again.
After running the “hill” my left knee started to hurt. I think I strained my hamstring. I’ve got an *adorable* limp today, but I thinking it’s going to heal quickly.
This week is going to be just as bad as last week:
Phew! I can do it! I can do it! I can do it!
The queen of being over committed strikes again!
I swear, I’m terrible at saying no when people offer me exciting opportunities. I literally have a thought process that goes “Ooo this is neat, oh but I don’t have time, but it would be neat… hmm… yes… it would be neat… how can I make time… well, if I don’t sleep… or I’m never home… or….hmm… I’ll do it, because it would be neat.” And then the little voice of sanity just starts to cry because she has clearly lost and knows that life won’t be easy for a while.
So, I’ve added something else to my already full plate (clearly, I see life as a buffet). I have mentioned before that I have a full-time job, a part-time job, and I’m a full-time grad student… well, now I’m also directing two plays (although one of them technically counts as my thesis project… because that makes it better, right?).
I have a life rule that I usually try to keep to for my own sanity’s sake… but I know this past weekend was the end of that rule for a while. I call it the “No pants on Sundays” rule. Now, by “no pants” I just mean no dress pants or jeans. I can still wear sweatpants/lounge pants/pajama pants. Since I’m so busy, I can’t really have a “day of rest” but I can at least try for a “day of comfort” while I’m running around doing errands or whatever. However, now my Sundays will be filled with directing (one play for adults, one play for students). I think the adults would be fine with the “no pants” rule, but I feel like I should look respectable when directing 6-12 graders…
I’m back to having a “killer calendar.” Note, I WANT to do all of these things, which is what makes it all so hard. Here is my upcoming schedule, although I’m going to start with this past Saturday because it seems more intimidating (also, please assume Monday-Friday I work 9-6, although I had MLK off this Monday):
The goal for every week day is to be out of the house during approximately these hours: 7:45 am – 11 pm. We’ll see how well I’m fairing by the end of the week!
Also, do you see time in there for running? Neither do I… 😦 I’d run during lunch but I already have lunch plans/meetings all week.